How did counselling change my way of thinking?

By Yong Ying

If seasons could describe my life, I believe that I went through the winter in my life. It was the hardest period that I had ever encountered. I was rejected by my loved one, had problems with two of my best friends and at the same time felt so helpless about the imbalanced lifestyle that I was having. I am an outstation student. Hence, without the support of my family, every second of my life seemed to be so tough. It was the first time I felt that there was no one I could turn to and rely on. I could not find anyone to speak to about my problems. I spent most of the nights thinking about what was going wrong in my life. I doubted myself, doubted everything I did and made myself feel more miserable. There were nights I stared out of the window crying while thinking what was the purpose of life and sadness seemed to be the only emotion I felt.

As a psychology student in HELP University, I was given the privilege to meet with a counsellor in CPCS (Center for Psychological and Counseling Services) for free. However, I never thought of meeting a counsellor until I enrolled in a MPU subject which allowed me to have a session with a counsellor. It took me a long time to finally decide to meet one. I did not want to cause any trouble to anyone as I thought that my problems were not severe enough that I would need to meet a counsellor. I thought that only people with severe mental health issues will need counselling sessions. I was also insecure to open up in front of others, especially strangers. Self-disclosure seemed to be hard for me.

I still remember how awkward it was for me to talk about myself to a counsellor in the first session. My body language gave away signals about my uncomfortableness. I felt a great distance between me and my counsellor because it was uncomfortable to be physically close with someone new. I avoided eye contact with her and I was very conscious about the words I used when I was talking to her. After the first session, I wanted to stop seeing my counsellor but I chose to give it another try anyways.

Things got better after the second session. I appreciated her efforts in guiding me to find solutions for myself without judgement and any signs of impatience. I felt that I was so weak to ask for help from others in the first session. Nevertheless, I figured out solutions by myself in the second session that made me feel a sense of independence. Throughout the sessions, there were many “Ah-Ha!” moments that I noticed the solutions could be simple. I was the one that overthought and made the problems I was facing look more complicated.

The existence of my counsellor was like a light. She guided me to the road that I decided to go and supported me throughout the journey. The biggest benefit that I gained through the sessions was realizing that our mind and emotions can play tricks on us without our noticing it. I believe that every problem will come with a solution or even multiple solutions. The reason for us to feel so helpless in finding a way out sometimes is just because of how our mind and emotions effected it. The counselling sessions that I had guided me to think from a third person’s point of view and I realized that the answers had always been there all along. After a few sessions, I noticed that I had the ability to come up with the solution by changing my point of view. I learnt to stop myself from overthinking when problems occurred. Since then, I started to be more confident in my decisions and solutions.