Mirror, Mirror on The Screen: Is That Really Me?

Mirror, Mirror on The Screen: Is That Really Me?

by Jasmine Thong

Transport yourself back to a time of adolescence: acne coming as a packaged deal in the transition of child to adult, the unpleasant stench of puberty, and let’s not forget all that hormonal, teenage angst that got you mad at the world for every little reason or no reason at all. The path to adulthood is a tricky one and often laced with confusion, requiring so much wisdom in decision-making to ensure we don’t become emotional wrecks by the time we turn 18, yet our teenage years are notorious for reckless behaviour. As teenagers, the transition is a struggle in many things, but the biggest struggle of them all, some ongoing even until adulthood, is the formation of identity.

Who are we? What do we believe in as individuals? What constitutes to our morals, principles and values?

What persona do we take on to present ourselves to the world? So many questions attached to identity, but what truly constitutes to the true self? “Finding ourselves” — making a commitment to an identity that is consistent with our true self might be challenging, however, the fruits of this self-development are rewarding nonetheless. According to Schwartz, Zamboangam, Weisskirch and Rodriguez (2009), research shows that a strong sense of self is beneficial for the self-esteem, and reduces depression and anxiety that may come with self-doubt and self-consciousness. The authors maintain that a coherent and stable sense of identity is required to navigate through the challenges of adulthood.

Here we find ourselves in the digital age of the 21st century. In a time of smartphones and social media, it would be crazy to think that generations before us lived without. When social media was first introduced to us over 16 years ago, nobody could predict the catalytic effect it would have on shaping the social culture as we know today. Social media has, and still is, playing a huge role in the cultural revolution of society.

Instagram, Twitter, Facebook — while initially designed to help us stay connected on a global scale, we are also provided access into glimpses of one another's lives through the curation of online identity. Social media may have opened up gateways of many opportunities, but it has also created in us an unhealthy cycle of comparison and the maintenance of the “perfect” image, thus eventually leading to identity crisis with one’s true self — the self-offline. One of the biggest struggle in human development, identity crisis is a time when one partakes in intensive analysis of the self through the exploration of different lifestyles, personalities, values and even fashion. It is a process of trial-and-error, all to see which shoe fits (quite literally). But what happens when we commit to an identity online that completely contrasts the identity offline?

As a woman 22 years young, I can attest that the struggle is, indeed, very real. With every swipe of carefully edited photos perfectly compiled in an aesthetic curation of boxes, it is so easy to get swept up in the whirlwind of comparison. Whether it be photos of an influencer who looks perfect 24/7 with flawless skin, or another millennial documenting her bi-annual getaways to some tropical island living her best life, not to mention graduation photos of friends holding double degrees, all these photos evoke a series of painfully envious questions within ourselves: Why can't I be like that? Why not me? Why am I not pretty enough like her? Why am I not earning enough like him? Why am I not smart enough like my peers? Many things can happen following the comparison, but one of the most prevalent coping strategies our culture utilises today is this: faking it till you make it. Or if you can't make it, fake it. Thus begins our quest for (psuedo) perfection.

Furthermore, the thing with identity is that it encompasses some notion of human agency, it gives us the idea of control over constructing our identity — to some degree, anyways. So we put up an online facade of our best selves, who we’d like to be, but not actually are in real life. Perfect picture after perfect picture captioned in positive quotes and flowery words, all to showcase a perfect life when life is anything but that. We function through lenses of perfectionism so much so that we start to believe life should be like that too.

Maintaining an image that isn’t entirely you can be exhausting. This misrepresentative behaviour requires greater cognitive resources due to its out-of-character nature. Online, we often try to present ourselves as this perfect being incapable of failures, sadness, and all other raw, humanness that shall never see the light of day. We hide our shortcomings, and place our value as human beings on what we can do instead. That’s why we tend to take pride in our achievements and document them for the world to see. We have built our identities on the basis of our external events in our lives — our jobs, relationships, physical appearance, financial status, life performance; all of which can be represented in our social media. We’ve created a persona around these qualities we’ve paraded on our online profiles, and when these aspects get removed from our lives, an identity crisis occurs. For example, you’ve established yourself on Instagram as a woman of fitness and positivity. Always posting post-gym pictures and workout progresses, all in conjunction with the healthiest meal preps and greenest juices in colour-coordinated boxes. You do yoga on the beach by sunrise on the weekends, spread all love with absolutely no hate. All around good person constantly setting intentions and affirmations for manifestation. That’s you, essentially, but just a repainted version of yourself online. The you offline struggles to keep up with the expectations you set on yourself. The you offline that enjoys a bag of chips and chocolate but drowns in self-hate for indulging. The you offline that so desperately wants to sleep in on a Sunday morning. The you offline that cusses a bad word for two when drivers don’t signal on the road. The real you. Our true identity that we so often deny in order to be someone we want to be in our fictional narrative. At the end of the day, self-growth in this life is the striving for progression, not perfection.

It is important to understand that identity is never set in stone and continues to develop throughout the lifespan as we move through different phases in life. Your journey is your own, and it is beautiful. Love and respect it, don't forget to nurture it in conjunction with working with what you have in this life. Comparison is the thief of joy; recognise that we each possess strengths and weaknesses unique to ourselves. While the goal in this life is individual progression, let us not get lost in the pursuit of perfection that we forget we’re only human. So be kind to yourself, as transitions in all stages of life are never easy.

REFERENCES

Schwartz, S. J., Zamboanga, B. L., Weisskirch, R. S., & Rodriguez, L. (2009). The relationships of personal

and ethnic identity exploration to indices of adaptive and maladaptive psychosocial functioning. International

Journal of Behavioral Development, 33(2), 131-144.